The Sometimes Less Than Flattering Parallels Between Christianity and Mental Illness

Schizophrenia- is a mental disorder that makes it difficult to...

Ok, now let's have a little fun.

- Tell the difference between real and unreal experiences and to think logically Christianity at its very core is to believe in a God who cannot be seen. Others have taken this experience even further and actually claim to hear from God personally. (More on this soon)

- Have normal emotional responses In most Sunday morning services there are people whose lives are crumbling around them, yet they paste on smiles, shake hands and kiss babies as if all were well. Obviously, they don't give prescription pads to high school drop-outs, so my "diagnosis" is less than expertise, but this seems like a clear case of "difficulty in having normal emotional responses".

- Behave normally in social situations I would also like to make the observation that Christians have somehow thought it "normal behavior" to stand on street corners with bullhorns screaming curses and threats, in the name of their invisible God. All of this taking place while their minions chase people around with pieces of paper reiterating the spews in writing.


As the illness continues PSYCHOTIC symptoms occur


- An appearance or mood that shows no emotion (flat affect) Ever sit in a on a long service? Look around, it's all there. Some guy is ranting on about how great their invisible God is. Sharing supposed documented miracles of this God's goodness and love...and NOTHING!

- Bizarre motor behavior in which there is less reaction to the environment (catatonic behavior) Slain in the spirit, need I say more?

- False beliefs or thoughts that have nothing to do with reality (delusions) See invisible God stuff above...or listen to some Joel Olsteen while on hold with your bankruptcy lawyer.

- Hearing, seeing, or feeling things that are not there (hallucinations) Apparently while I was a single mom, God did a lot of talking to a lot of guys. In a three year period of time THREE men told me that they'd "heard from the Lord" that I was their wife. Another was pitched to me by a pastor and his wife telling me "we know he's your husband and you are going to miss "the Lord's" will. The "Lord" didn't seem to relay ANY of these messages to me. In fact, the voices in my head, that I too named "the Lord" kept pointing me to some red-head who didn't want anything to do with me. Throw in some angel sightings, the sensation of warmth during a "healing" or cold when "demons" are near....I don't know guys, this is not looking good.

- Thoughts "jump" between unrelated topics (disordered thinking) Ummmm...ever heard a sermon?



Let's move on to the more particular types of Schizophrenia.

*rubbing my hands in anticipation*

Catatonic type:

- Negative feelings this one just makes me giggle. "the music is too loud, the floors are dirty, the pastor didn't say hi, i left the last place because..." Nope, none of that going on in Christianity.


Paranoid type:

- Delusions of persecution or grandeur Things that do NOT constitute persecution, but are perceived as such... "Christmas Sale" sign at the Bon Ton now reads "Holiday Sale". There is no prayer in school...they aren't practicing Wicca, black magic or performing satanic rituals either. Ok, well nobody really knows the source of the cafeteria mystery meat, but there's also no video footage of the hairnets dancing around it beforehand. Grandeur can be witnessed at conferences and feel good services when everyone is told "you have a great destiny"..."you are part of God's plan"..."if you were the only one on earth, Jesus would have still died, JUST FOR YOU".


Disorganized type: (Possibly my favorite)

- Inappropriate laughter I think they call this one "drunk in the spirit" or some supernatural "Joy of the Lord" thing

- Repetitive behaviors Build a big building, invite a bunch of people, sing a few songs, listen to a sermon (see above) go home and repeat...on almost every street corner in every city in the country and with the "mission" of covering the globe with this process. While this has been repeating for, again high school drop out, not scholar, I don't know, thousands of years...and with what results? If the process is worth repeating, why aren't there results?

- Social withdrawal don't hang out with those people, stay with the like-mindeds, they are the safe people. And don't go to those places, you don't want anyone to see you there! We send our kids to Christian school to "protect them" and then it's off to Christian college so the world can't rub off on them.

All of this to say...I will let that up to the voices in your heads.